Before our sweet baby girl came to us I had had two early miscarriages in a row. My first miscarriage was what they term a missed miscarriage. The baby had stopped growing earlier on, but my body still acted as if it was pregnant. I found out when I thought I was about 12-13 weeks pregnant. I had went to the ER because I just felt something wasn't right even though I had no outwardly symptoms of a miscarriage. The ER confirmed what my instinct seemed to already know- my baby had stopped growing around 7 weeks. A couple of days later, I went to the women's clinic at the same hospital and received my only picture I would ever have of that baby. My tiny, motionless little Peanut. Floating.
My second miscarriage happened almost exactly one year to the date from my first one. But this one happened much more quickly, and naturally. I was 8 weeks pregnant and started spotting and cramping. I lost Blueberry that same weekend.
Two miscarriages in a row combined with my age and the fact that I had a healthy 12 year old son put me into the secondary infertility category. My OB ordered every blood test possible- everything came back normal.
She performed a saline sonogram- everything looked normal.
And she said to go ahead and try, that she would see me for my first prenatal appointment.
Never had more hopeful and fearful words been spoken to me.
We had no answers, no reasons why but she wanted us to just jump right in there again and try.
We fortunately got pregnant right away... with the quintessential honeymoon baby. The first trimester was one of the hardest and one of the most blessed things I have ever had to experience. Each ultrasound started with anxiety, fear, sometimes panic, and ended with relief and joy.
I am not sure if my husband and I will try for another baby. We still have a couple of years to decide. But the possibility excites me and scares the hell out of me all at the same time. My pregnancy with baby girl was so anxiety-ridden and scary at times that I am not sure I would want to endure that again. Plus, with the next baby I would be over 35. That opens up a whole new bag of fears. For now, we are enjoying and cherishing our precious little girl. I feel we will know what decision to make about adding to our family when the time comes...
