The arrival of National Infertility Awareness Week has me pondering again- where do I fit in? What am I? Because sometimes I feel like an impostor- supporting infertility awareness, posting links about infertility on my Facebook page, but not really "fitting in" to the atypical infertile woman mold.
I have never experienced in-vitro fertilization. I have never had to jab shots in my ass. I have never needed to "trigger my follies". I have never had to experience the dreaded two week wait with the additional burden of thousands of dollars lost if I didn't see a plus sign when I peed on a stick at the end of the wait. But I know so many lovely ladies who have had to endure all of those things... And I wish them to have a baby as badly as I wish it for myself.
I am a survivor of two miscarriages. Two consecutive miscarriages. I am, by medical definition, not infertile. I can get pregnant. Staying pregnant seems to be a different story...
And I am still struggling to find the answers as to why I can't seem to carry my babies past the first trimester. All tests so far have come back a-okay. So, I still don't know what, if anything is "wrong" with me. I have no label, no category, no "clique" to belong to really...
And for that, I find that my situation, my feelings, my fears are not as understood by my family and friends as say a woman who has a clear cut label- oh, she has trouble ovulating. Or, she has endometriosis. The medical community has told them what is wrong with them, and people seem to understand and empathize more when a concrete, professional explanation for their problems conceiving has been ordained.
I would say our common thread in all of this- those who struggle with diagnosed infertility issues, those who have unexplained infertility, those of us I like to call struggling fertiles- is that we all have the desire and yearning TO BE A MOTHER. And I believe that is where we all "fit in". :)
